My FB Average

Has dropped below 10%. Had one unfriend me and I picked up a couple new friends, that didn't qualify. So I'm at 6 for 70.

Don't fuck with me

I know a lot more Haitians than I used to. That's only mildly sarcastic. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I can do anything that is humanly possible, and a bunch of stuff that's not. So, like the title says...

This my kitchen, speak fuckin' english!

Meow! Miles complains
Meow! The fucking cat
Wants something. To go
Out? No. Petted? No.

Meow! He glares at
His food dish. Meow!
Miles is loud. Always
Mindshatteringly loud cat.

Somebody feed the fuckin cat
For god's sakes shut him up!
This'd be easier if Miles spoke
English, because we don't speak cat.

Oh wow...It's been almost a month

Yeah so I been busy. Smoking a lot and drinking port and wandering around. I'm allegedly working on a book but it is just awful awful awful. But work on it I do. So, whatever. I can always smell the 11th coming up because I have court of some kind on the 11th of every month of my fucking life for some ungodly reason. And for at least another ten months. Some twisted joke the Universe is playing on me. I'm here, like a pigeon trying to make sense of random happenstances. Want to know what my first number was? 113811. Yeah. Har de fuckin har. Which reminds me that my whore of an ex-wife is suing me, again. Fuckin fuck me. What am I Job? It's not enough that I'm crippled, not enough that I'm crazy, not enough that I have an artistic vision that I can't seem to get out there, she's fucking suing me. She make three times the money I make. I mean...what the fuck, over. Anyway. Meeting with my new law-talkin gal this week. So... Without further ado I give you Monty Python's Flying Circus...I also like this becuase Eric Idle's hair is how mine looked, before I went bald.

A cop once told me.

"Sir, your suitcase has a strong odor that I suspect to be marijuana. We'll need to search you and your bag"

"Really? Well, see if you can find any in there. If you do, let's you and me go out back and burn something. I can make a pipe out of damn near anything, unless you have your own. I been dry for three fuckin days on this trip. Can't hardly wait to get somewhere friendly so I can smoke out."

Ya fascist fuck.

Who Thought This Was A Good Idea? A Verse of Post-Modernity

No news is good news
Most news is bad news
There is point when I refuse
Lucidity to what humanity spews

Truth is, I don't need any of this.
I could probably use a hug and kiss
But me? Need? Feelings I'll miss?
All as ethereal as a flick of my wrist.

On the feelings thing, God has clearly spoken.
Sorry, Slick. That part of my brain is broken
If my destiny was ever more than a mere token...

Then, I must deduce that God would have probably
miracled my ass there by now because I sure as
fuck don't possess the any of the tools required
to fix any of this. Any of it at all. My life is soaring like
a pissed off raven, above and beyond my level of
competence as well as my paygrade. And since God
has not miracled me out of this, that means God
either doesn't exist, or doesn't care. Or is so far
evolved past my rat-like scurryings that I may
as well be a dust mite in God's eyebrow. Which is
Fine. Seriously. Irrelevant It really doesn't change
the grand scheme of...well anything. Any way
you slice your dice, God ain't pay the fuckin rent.
I stand here surrounded by this rich tapestry
of people and ideas. On my own, and with
no defense but my failed wits. And I don't
have a fucking clue what to do. I don't like
surprises. I've been beaten til my fucking eyes
bled way way way too many times to just trust
The Cosmos that things will eventually get better.

Anybody else out there tracking on any of this? Any of it at all?

I am actually, literally, certifiably insane so, this might not make any sense to anyone but me. And if it does make sense to you...you might want to consider having that checked out by a professional. I'm just saying here...

There...Ended on a joke. See what a hap-hap-happy motherfucker am I?

For Kathleen

I hate to say I told you so.
But I will. Because I did.
Of course, you know I'm lying
I love to say I told you so.

Go work your wiles on them
Said I. Snap your fingers and
Strike them blind if you don't
Like them. Fuck them if you do.

While you're whirling around
You'll bump into one that closes
Your eyes and opens your soul.
That's your man. I told you so.

Dreamland

I'm living in a dreamland
Back on the in-betweens
Between joy and terror
between sanity and psychosis
between the quick.
and the dead.

So I got a complaint...

A complaint that I never fully explained what happened to me and my dalliances with the NCIS. Well, it's all over. I pled out to a misdemeanor possession charge. I got 90 days (all suspended), $750 fine and one year unsupervised probation. If I promise (scouts honor) not to fuck shit up too much for whole year, they'll let me replead and drop the charges. So. There you have it. The judge acted like he simply didn't notice that he wasn't giving me the mandatory minimum jail time. And they all lived happily ever after.

Ain't No "I" In Team

But you fucking well best
Believe. deep in your soul
That there is a "me".
If I don't strike you as the
Sort of fellow who would
Just up and fucking bail?
Ask my boss his opinion
on that subject on Tuesday.
I'll get you the numbers of
About three dozen former
employers landlords and
women to whom I'd professed
Eternal and undying love.
You can ask them if I'm that
Guy who might just...evaporate.

And I'm about a whisker
Away from being the #1
Draft pick on the Legue's
Newest expansion team.
Team Me. The mascot
Will be the "Mikes"
The team motto will be...
Fuck everyone who ain't me.

I bout had my fill of all ya'll's shit.

Red Cross Planning Sessions

I looked skyward, at the cosmos
And sounded my barbaric yawp
Why in the holy fuck did you send
Earthquakes during our merger?

Surprisingly, the Universe answered
My yawp, wildly barbaric though it be,
Seldom stirs the sublime starry sleeper
"Why are you merging during my earthquakes?"

Poor

You know how fashion designers every few years come out with something like "Green, it's the new Black" And some other designer will reply, "Black is the new new black" But like, in a really snotty way? The point is, that what they meant when they said "brown is the new black" is that it's what everyone would be wearing. And that's what I mean when I say: Poor. It's the new Black.


Poor, it's the new Black.
Don't call me a racist.
I checked with numerous
Friends and associates.
All people of color. They
Said, almost every one,
"That sounds about right."
Those who didn't agree
Outright, all said "Poor?
That's the new black?
Funny, that was the
old black too.
Ya dumb ass white
motherfucker."
Or similar words.

JD Salinger

One of my heroes died today.

Charity and Compassion

Listening to christians bitch about helping the poor and dispossessed is like listening to Jews trade pork recipes.

You people have two jobs. Two. Two jobs on this earth. Practice compassion towards the less fortunate and spread the Good Word. Near as I can tell you traded those two jobs for radical conservative politics and avarice. Sorry, that's redundant. What's one word to adequately describe both? Oh I got it.

Scumbags.

You selfish fuckers better hope I'm right when I say there's no such thing as Hell.

Fuck You.

Got another

Got another facebook friend that ummm...qualifies. That's seven. My average is staying above 10%. Which I find vaguely disturbing.

Assman

I've always been an ass man.
Then for a long time, a leg man.
A breast man? Don't play the fool.
Lickable, suckable, squeezable,
Carressable. Boobs make me smile.
I kept exploring and discovered the
Best part of a woman that can exist...
The part between her ears.

And between her legs...
I'm not made out of fucking wood over here.

Bottom Line

The whole fucking world has been pretty lucky when it comes to me. Because I've definately given a fuckload more than I ever took. Fucking world better count their blessings. I'm actually significantly more skilled at taking. It requires a supreme effort of will to keep giving. Taking is like falling off a log.

Just getting tired...

Tired of phone calls, tired of bad news, tired of crush injuries and and amputations in the street. Gettin real tired.

Non-Violence

The key element to a movement that practices non-violence is the idea that we can shame those who would do us harm into stopping. That the reason they stop is because they can't bear to look at themselves while brushing their teeth. That human decency will force them to stop.

As near as I can tell, most of my enemies have no shame, even fewer have a shred of decency. If they ever had any sense or shame. other than the destructive type that clergymen hand out like candy, it was driven from them as children.

So...Am I supposed to just lay down and watch my deeply held values trampled under the feet of imbeciles? Is it reasonable for me, a man of letters, a man dedicated to making the world better, a man with a a temper, a man with training..to take up the banner that demands "Don't Tread On Me." ? Or shall I just putter along and watch these fascists destroy everything my grandparents and their grandparents worked so hard to build?

No. That's the least likely way this ends. If the ultra-right thinks they are the only scary motherfuckers out there contemplating direct action...well good. Let em believe that. That way we maybe catch em leanin the wrong way when the time comes.

So let me get this straight...

I'm a better parent than my parents were.
I'm a better citizen than most citizens.
I'm a better friend than all but one or two of my friends, maybe.
I've spent my life trying to make things better for people.
I teach people how to save lives.
I try to make people smile whenever I can.
I give away most of my time to charity.
I've fought for every single victory I have or have ever had.

And I owe whom? For what?

Humanity has earned something besides my contempt? What would that be? Mercy? Forgiveness? Sure okay, about as much as I've been shown, that's how much they've earned. I hope thay aren't expecting much.