A cop once told me.

"Sir, your suitcase has a strong odor that I suspect to be marijuana. We'll need to search you and your bag"

"Really? Well, see if you can find any in there. If you do, let's you and me go out back and burn something. I can make a pipe out of damn near anything, unless you have your own. I been dry for three fuckin days on this trip. Can't hardly wait to get somewhere friendly so I can smoke out."

Ya fascist fuck.

Who Thought This Was A Good Idea? A Verse of Post-Modernity

No news is good news
Most news is bad news
There is point when I refuse
Lucidity to what humanity spews

Truth is, I don't need any of this.
I could probably use a hug and kiss
But me? Need? Feelings I'll miss?
All as ethereal as a flick of my wrist.

On the feelings thing, God has clearly spoken.
Sorry, Slick. That part of my brain is broken
If my destiny was ever more than a mere token...

Then, I must deduce that God would have probably
miracled my ass there by now because I sure as
fuck don't possess the any of the tools required
to fix any of this. Any of it at all. My life is soaring like
a pissed off raven, above and beyond my level of
competence as well as my paygrade. And since God
has not miracled me out of this, that means God
either doesn't exist, or doesn't care. Or is so far
evolved past my rat-like scurryings that I may
as well be a dust mite in God's eyebrow. Which is
Fine. Seriously. Irrelevant It really doesn't change
the grand scheme of...well anything. Any way
you slice your dice, God ain't pay the fuckin rent.
I stand here surrounded by this rich tapestry
of people and ideas. On my own, and with
no defense but my failed wits. And I don't
have a fucking clue what to do. I don't like
surprises. I've been beaten til my fucking eyes
bled way way way too many times to just trust
The Cosmos that things will eventually get better.

Anybody else out there tracking on any of this? Any of it at all?

I am actually, literally, certifiably insane so, this might not make any sense to anyone but me. And if it does make sense to you...you might want to consider having that checked out by a professional. I'm just saying here...

There...Ended on a joke. See what a hap-hap-happy motherfucker am I?

For Kathleen

I hate to say I told you so.
But I will. Because I did.
Of course, you know I'm lying
I love to say I told you so.

Go work your wiles on them
Said I. Snap your fingers and
Strike them blind if you don't
Like them. Fuck them if you do.

While you're whirling around
You'll bump into one that closes
Your eyes and opens your soul.
That's your man. I told you so.

Dreamland

I'm living in a dreamland
Back on the in-betweens
Between joy and terror
between sanity and psychosis
between the quick.
and the dead.

So I got a complaint...

A complaint that I never fully explained what happened to me and my dalliances with the NCIS. Well, it's all over. I pled out to a misdemeanor possession charge. I got 90 days (all suspended), $750 fine and one year unsupervised probation. If I promise (scouts honor) not to fuck shit up too much for whole year, they'll let me replead and drop the charges. So. There you have it. The judge acted like he simply didn't notice that he wasn't giving me the mandatory minimum jail time. And they all lived happily ever after.

Ain't No "I" In Team

But you fucking well best
Believe. deep in your soul
That there is a "me".
If I don't strike you as the
Sort of fellow who would
Just up and fucking bail?
Ask my boss his opinion
on that subject on Tuesday.
I'll get you the numbers of
About three dozen former
employers landlords and
women to whom I'd professed
Eternal and undying love.
You can ask them if I'm that
Guy who might just...evaporate.

And I'm about a whisker
Away from being the #1
Draft pick on the Legue's
Newest expansion team.
Team Me. The mascot
Will be the "Mikes"
The team motto will be...
Fuck everyone who ain't me.

I bout had my fill of all ya'll's shit.

Red Cross Planning Sessions

I looked skyward, at the cosmos
And sounded my barbaric yawp
Why in the holy fuck did you send
Earthquakes during our merger?

Surprisingly, the Universe answered
My yawp, wildly barbaric though it be,
Seldom stirs the sublime starry sleeper
"Why are you merging during my earthquakes?"